No More Resolutions - Make New Year Goals

Two years ago I listed 5 Stupid New Year Resolutions. I've since read back through these to get a deeper understanding of why they don't work.

Each of the resolutions I mention are huge commitments, sacrifices you make "up front" which do not produce immediate results. So, rather than making one stupid resolution, I'm setting 10 goals for 2015, and here they are!


Start Graduate School

Okay, so I cheated. This one was already in progress because I had to get accepted first, which happened in November. My first class starts January 12th in the new year. I am officially a graduate student at Purdue University working toward a Masters in Communications.  I am humbled to have been accepted!


Advance My Career

Notice I didn't title this "Get a Promotion" or "Get Another Job." This is because achieving a goal should be at the control of the person establishing the goal. I cannot control getting a promotion or being hired at another organization. What I can control are the things I do in order to elevate myself so I am perceived to be the cream of the crop. Helloooooo out there! Here I am!! Another option in career advancement could be starting a business.


Outline My Memoir

But Diane, you're only...oh, never mind. You ARE old enough. You know what? Fuck off.


Attend a Writing Retreat

For all of you who have done this already, I ENVY you! I can see myself in the mountains somewhere, sitting at a bay window in a log cabin and sipping a cherry vanilla espresso. Who am I kidding though? I'll just be some washed up romantic with writer's block. Oh well, I guess a day on the slopes, hot soup, and a blazing fire will get me in the mood to write. Who's with me?!


Attend the Tallahassee Writers Association Conference

I haven't missed one since becoming a member and I know why. This is the mother of all conferences, so if you have even the slightest interest in writing, YOU. MUST. ATTEND. THIS. EVENT. Period.


Attend the Florida Writers Association Conference

This is the best excuse for making a trip to Lake Mary in October. I wish I hadn't missed it this year, but I had to support Tim's run in the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C. I will not be missing this event in 2015, the entire event, not just one of the days.


Get Back Into Yoga

This is not like joining the gym. Embarrassing enough, I already am a member and this is a free activity provided twice per week. Why did I stop going? Because, I couldn't keep Tim from giggling because he couldn't contort the way some of the 90 year old men in the class did. I think I can get Chelsey to partner up with me. She might take it more serious than Tim.


Take Gourmet Cooking Classes

The Food Network planted the larva, but now I have a full grown bug driving this desire to blanch, roast, bake, and grill. This will not be a very cost effective journey because I won't eat any of the things I want to cook. Any Guinea pigs out there willing to risk food poisoning? I'll be happy to compile goody baskets.


Finish My GeekSsentials Website

I started this site because I wanted to offer up services to the local Tallahassee area small businesses. I know how difficult it is for businesses to get out there, especially start ups, and word of mouth just isn't going to do it in this economy. With companies having to fork out more in health care costs and penalties, there's much less financial resources going into marketing and promotions. Hello out there! I work with your budget.


Institute Mom's Night Out

A new thing I plan to start with my kids is called Mom's Night Out. That means once per month, one of them has to take me out to dinner, lunch, or a movie. I get to pick up the tab. Hey, what better incentive is there for such a wonderful occasion?

Happy New Year, everyone!


Do you have goals for 2015? Tell us what they are in the comments below!




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New Year's Eve Party Goers

Last year I gave you the 5 Stupid New Year's Resolutions post. This year I decided to have a different list for you. I've compiled a list of different types of people you're likely to run into this New Year's Eve. That means tonight!

The Party Guy - There's always one of these at every New Year's Eve party. He does it all. He does the funnel. He does the Hulk Hogan flex. He does the random sucking of face with the drunk girl passing by. He does the belly flop into the pool. And, he does the face plant onto the floor after the dropping of the ball in Times Square. He'll be lucky if he doesn't drown in his own vomit before sunrise.

The Jocks - They come in a group of five. You won't get any free drinks from any of these guys. They're all married and too busy watching football or the Ultimate Fighting Championship. They're on a fixed allowance, it's the only night of the year they're given permission from their wives to hang out, and they're working on their Bromance.

The Loner - He's the guy all by himself at the bar, watching everyone. He's not sitting facing the bar either. He's facing the crowd...with his arms crossed. Think Jeffrey Dalmer scoping out his next victim. Creepy!

The Polite Charmer - He's the one sent over on a reconnaissance mission to a table full of women. He'll buy a round of drinks while conducting his research. Data bank indices: which ones are single, who is the hottest, who is the most DTF. Charming, ain't it?

Ok, enough picking on the guys. Here are the women you'll find. I'm staying in this year, so you won't find the grumpy old lady in this crowd! =)

The Eye Candy - All eyes are on her. The guys are appreciative, their dates, livid. She's typically wearing a skirt which doesn't fully cover her voluptuous ass cheeks. She's looking too cute bent over the pool table while trying to make a shot. There are ten guys trying to get to her to show her the correct stance and how to aim.

The Gaggle - A group of ladies who stick together no matter what. All have long, brown hair (more than likely extensions). All wear skin tight clothing, hoping to attract some idiot willing to buy them drinks for the evening so they can make rent at the end of the month.

The Drunk Dancer - You know, the one who climbs onto the bar or high top table to show off her pole dancing skills. For some reason it never really works out for her.

The Puker - She's the one who gets drunk an hour into the evening, thereby leaving her friends to take turns holding her hair back while she pukes away in the bathroom all night.

Happy New Year to all my friends in the Blogosphere! See you next year. ;)

5 Stupid New Year Resolutions

by Diane Carlisle

Winter Nightmare

Another broad blog chain at Absolute Write: go wherever the prompt takes you. It can be fiction or non-fiction, the nightmare can be Cthulhu or just a struggle with a troublesome New Year's resolution (or anything in between).

I’m going with something in between, like telling you about some really stupid ideas for New Year’s resolutions. Here they are and the reasons I think they are stupid.

1. I’m going to quit smoking – Really? You can imagine this going down like so. You’re partying all night. It chimes midnight. The ball drops in Times Square. Everyone sings Auld Lang Sine as you down what’s left in your plastic champagne glass. You stumble out onto the balcony to light up a cigarette in the cold, night air. You’ve just broken your New Year resolution. Congratulations.

2. I’m going to start a new diet – This one is really stupid. I don’t know about you, but every New Year’s Day my family traditionally cooks an amazing spread with glazed ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, mac and cheese (with extra cheese), corn bread, black eyed peas and green beans, cooked slow with bacon or a smoked ham hock. If you start your diet on this day, you’ll only resent your New Year’s resolution. Defeated and miserable, you’ll shovel your face with food and instantly wish you hadn’t. Ashamedly, you will discover that you gained another 3 pounds before you even started that diet.

3. I’m going to quit drinking – Right, because when you wake up with your hangover in the morning, you’ll wish you had a bite of the dog that bit you the previous evening. You pour a shot the next morning to take the edge off. We’ve all done it. Oh well, maybe next year, because your buddy has a party tonight and the hot twins from Waverly are invited. Seriously, there’s no need to quit drinking unless you have a drinking problem, in which case, the resolution should be “Start AA”.

4. I’m going to join the gym – First of all, if you weren’t already exercising before, joining a gym isn’t going to motivate you to do so in the New Year. You’ll just commit yourself to a yearlong hassle of trying to get your money back and threatening law suits because the gym won’t stop charging your credit card for monthly fees or they refuse to refund your prepaid membership.

5. I’m going to quit swearing like a sailor – This is moronic. As soon as you wake up in the morning from a night of ringing in the New Year, your head is pounding, your heart is racing and you can’t find the bottle of aspirin. With one eye closed, shutting out the light, and the other half-open to find your way, you stub your pinky toe on the corner of the dresser, “Fuck!” Oops, you just broke your New Year resolution, “Damnit!”


Anyway, that’s my January blog chain entry. Please visit these other participating blogs:

orion_mk3 (link to this month's post)
MamaStrong (link to this month's post)
pyrosama YOU ARE HERE
Turndog-Millionaire (link to this month's post)
Alpha Echo (link to this month's post)
LilGreenBookworm (link to this month's post)
Domoviye (link to this month's post)
writingismypassion (link to this month's post)
kimberlycreates (link to this month's post)
Suzanne Seese (link to this month's post)
Diana Rajchel (link to this month's post)
Ralph Pines (link to this month's post)
Alynza (link to this month's post)
Literateparakeet (link to this month's post)
in_one (link to this month's post)
Tomspy77 (link to this month's post)
Inkstrokes (link to this month's post)
kiwiviktor81 (link to this month's post)
These Mean Streets (link to this month's post)
areteus (link to this month's post)
AbielleRose (link to this month's post)