Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Why Guys Really Are From Mars

by Diane Carlisle

Going on 25 years of marriage, I was thinking back to the times before we were married and it made me wonder why I considered marriage at such a young age. Not only was my husband the same handsome man he is today, but he was a miracle after having endured a few years dealing with men who really were from Mars. How did he approach me and ask me out?

"What time do you get off work?"

"Two o'clock."

"Can I buy you breakfast?"

"I'd like that."

I found out later that he needed to be up at 6:00 in the morning to make it into work on time. I didn’t learn about that during the date; it was much later into our relationship, when he was comfortable enough that I would realize it didn’t matter.

See how simple that was? There's nothing fake, no non-sense, and none of this hidden agenda and side stepping. There were just a few simple questions and a little bit of confidence and genuine feeling. That's all it took.

However, before my lovely husband came along and swept me up with his no non-sense swag, there were 5 truly remarkable approaches made toward me that deserved a rejection. I wasn't really equipped at the time to respond to these really bizarre approaches, but I can respond to them today. Here they are. Each approach now has a title and my official answer!

The Jail Bait

"My ex-girlfriend works at the Foxy Lady. Will you go there with me tonight so I can make her jealous?"

Um, sure. I always wanted to go to a strip club and get beat up by an angry, naked girl and end up in jail for sexual assault because I accidentally touched her boob while defending myself.

The Little Black Book

"Can I get your phone number in case I want to ask you out sometime?"

The priorities are all wrong here. Ask me out on a date first, then get the phone number. Okay?

The Fan Club

Rolling a joint, "Some friends and I are hanging out at the Mullet Festival this weekend. Want to tag along?"

The Mullet Festival is not a stage, you are not a rock star and I am not your groupie.

The Look At Me Now

He gloriously fans out 10 twenty dollar bills and says, "Would you sleep with me now?"

You had a better chance before.

The Self Fullfilling Prophecy

"I was going to ask you out, but you're not really my type."

I was going to say no, but you never really asked me out.

There was a Dilbert cartoon that came out this week featuring “The Topper”. In the name of my favorite cartoon, can any of you top these? Please tell me your story and give me your answers you weren’t able to provide in the heat of the moment!