Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Eve Party Goers

Last year I gave you the 5 Stupid New Year's Resolutions post. This year I decided to have a different list for you. I've compiled a list of different types of people you're likely to run into this New Year's Eve. That means tonight!

The Party Guy - There's always one of these at every New Year's Eve party. He does it all. He does the funnel. He does the Hulk Hogan flex. He does the random sucking of face with the drunk girl passing by. He does the belly flop into the pool. And, he does the face plant onto the floor after the dropping of the ball in Times Square. He'll be lucky if he doesn't drown in his own vomit before sunrise.

The Jocks - They come in a group of five. You won't get any free drinks from any of these guys. They're all married and too busy watching football or the Ultimate Fighting Championship. They're on a fixed allowance, it's the only night of the year they're given permission from their wives to hang out, and they're working on their Bromance.

The Loner - He's the guy all by himself at the bar, watching everyone. He's not sitting facing the bar either. He's facing the crowd...with his arms crossed. Think Jeffrey Dalmer scoping out his next victim. Creepy!

The Polite Charmer - He's the one sent over on a reconnaissance mission to a table full of women. He'll buy a round of drinks while conducting his research. Data bank indices: which ones are single, who is the hottest, who is the most DTF. Charming, ain't it?

Ok, enough picking on the guys. Here are the women you'll find. I'm staying in this year, so you won't find the grumpy old lady in this crowd! =)

The Eye Candy - All eyes are on her. The guys are appreciative, their dates, livid. She's typically wearing a skirt which doesn't fully cover her voluptuous ass cheeks. She's looking too cute bent over the pool table while trying to make a shot. There are ten guys trying to get to her to show her the correct stance and how to aim.

The Gaggle - A group of ladies who stick together no matter what. All have long, brown hair (more than likely extensions). All wear skin tight clothing, hoping to attract some idiot willing to buy them drinks for the evening so they can make rent at the end of the month.

The Drunk Dancer - You know, the one who climbs onto the bar or high top table to show off her pole dancing skills. For some reason it never really works out for her.

The Puker - She's the one who gets drunk an hour into the evening, thereby leaving her friends to take turns holding her hair back while she pukes away in the bathroom all night.

Happy New Year to all my friends in the Blogosphere! See you next year. ;)